Question #6 - What does "honoring your parent" look like when..

Sorry about the delay in writing. It seems preparing for a conference has swallowed up any extra time. I have been thinking though about this quite a bit.

There didn't seem to be a lot of comments regarding this topic, and so I am not sure what to make of that. But, I will give it my best to make it relevant.

This idea of honoring your parents has been something I have worked and thought through from many angles. The only angle I haven't experienced it is as a grandparent. I have grown up a child, teenager, adult, as a married man and now as a father.

I remember a while back, as I struggled with the reality of having three kids under six, thinking, wow, this parenting thing is really hard. And I remember even talking to my parents and thanking them for their sacrifice, especially for loving me during my first 5 years when everything you do for them, they will never remember. Being a parent gives insight into this command, "Honor your parents." I have used that verse from Ephesians 6 often when trying to help my kids obey me. :)

Once you have realized how much sacrifice, unconditional love, grace, forgiveness, and tireless giving goes into being a parent, you will have new light and grace in this idea of honoring your parent. My true hope is that I will not ruin my kids too much as a parent. (I often wonder what they will have to recover from as they get older and how they will talk about me). So, it is hard. My anger gets the best of me too often. I am too selfish. I feel the guilt of never being good enough. I don't pray enough for my children. I don't play enough with them. Being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I am just into my double digits now, with K being 10.

But, the issue is bigger than just obey. Ephesians 6.1 says obey. And then he quotes the verse from Exodus 20:12 and talks about honor. It is the same word that is quoted in John 5:23 where the Father honors Jesus and where Jesus honors the father in John 8:23. And in John 12:26, Jesus says, whoever serves me, the father will honor. The word honor means to esteem or to revere. The same word is used of God, Jesus as well as kings. One definition I really like is actually used in found in Matthew 27:8-10 8 Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day. 9 Then was fulfilled what had been spoken by the prophet Jeremiah, saying, “And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the price of him on whom a price had been set by some of the sons of Israel, 10 and they gave them for the potter’s field, as the Lord directed me.”

The words "a price has been set" is the exact same Greek word as honor. So, in essence, honor is this idea of setting a price or value for a person. How much is a person worth? That is the essence of honoring. It is an attitude issue. And so when it says, "honor widows" as it does in 1Tim 5:3 or "Honor everyone" as it does in 1 Peter 2:17, we are to fix a value and a price on people that is worthy of being a child of God, a person in authority, or in this case, your parents.

Obedience and honor go hand in hand when you are a child under authority, but what when you go to college, you begin living your 0wn life or your wife is someone elses child? How do you honor them then?

The biggest thing is give you parents a high price because most of all, God calls us to do it and He in His sovereignty not only commands it, but has divinely ordained your parents to be your parents. Your honoring of them is obedience to God and shows your faith in God that you trust Him, that He is in control and that above all sense and feeling, you must obey God. But, second, we can give them a high price because of the sacrifice they have paid for you, because of the hours and money and life they have given on behalf of you. Lastly, honoring is humbling of yourself and thankfulness and rejoicing and praising, all of which, are extremely pleasing to God.

As you get older, parents might confuse honoring and obedience. I remember one time when we were going to buy a car. We asked both my wife's parents and my parents what they thought we should do. They gave us opposite advice. We were going to go against one set of parents no matter what we did. We are not dishonoring them by going against one set. Honoring can get confused by a lot of things, feeling pressured to do every Christmas and Holiday, it can be wrongly abused if a couple doesn't leave and cleave to each other and honor does not mean that parents comes before our allegiance to follow Jesus. Leaving our families to move to Africa is an example of honoring Jesus before our families. That was hard, but Jesus comes first.

But honor should mean, that you pray for your parents, often. That you forgive them for their hurts they have caused you. That you speak well of them, or at least not bad of them, and that you honor them with your words (this means you can share with people your hurts, but don't speak maliciously of them with the intent of hurting them.) Honoring also means giving them a high price even if they don't deserve it. Honoring means that you esteem them even if they don't esteem you, respect you or love you. (The original question came from someone whose father didn't want anything to do with the son... very difficult to honor when you feel totally disowned and unloved, but God's commands don't come with exceptions. We are only responsible for our own obedience. Perhaps your honoring of them even in their worst will be what changes them, like a Christian spouse who loves their non-christian spouse.)

Our honoring of our parents is what we will be judged with in Heaven. What price do you have set for your parents in your mind? Are they worth a million dollars? Two millions? Two pennies? How you treat them is the price you have set. Raise the value and keep raising the value. Love them unconditionally even if they don't deserve it. And if you have had awesome parents, praise them and love them and thank them.

True, this is a heaven issue. How you respond to this issue will be seen not only in heaven, though, but also on earth, as it is the first command with a promise, that life will go well with you.

Thoughts?